I’ve never really had anyone. My first marriage wasn't good. I didn’t have the relationship I expected. I did have a beautiful daughter, but it ended and time moved on, but my mistakes stay the same. I’m like a dog that returns back to it’s vomit. I try to fix things that I can’t fix. I try to do things the way I want, instead of the way others want. When others are wrong in my mind, it doesn’t mean they are wrong. It just means that I don’t agree with them. I’m so confused sometimes with my emotions. People have things going on in their head, and you don’t know exactly what they are. You don’t have a clue what anyone is going through.
I have found that when someone tells you about their circumstance, you can’t see it like they do. You can’t be in the same state of mind as someone else. We are all different in our feelings and thoughts. This is why you can’t change anyone. You can try to change them, but if it’s not in their heart, it won’t happen. Someone can listen to you and they might sympathize with you, but they can’t understand you totally. This is because we are so complex with our thoughts and our feelings. We all need to be more considerate and try to be more understanding. We need to be compassionate towards all others. I fail at all these things. I am the biggest failure when it comes to putting my foot in my mouth. I always say things that make a situation worse. I can’t stop. I don’t know how to stop.
I do feel compassion for most, but sometimes the ones I hurt the most, are the ones closest to me. I turned my ex wife into someone I was at that time. I wasn't a good example. I taught her to be that way. It was my fault that she treated me the way she did. I feel guilty about it. I can’t go back and change it. I wish I could, but…… I have almost ruined my second marriage too. I am a stubborn jackass sometimes. I find it hard to be any better than that. I choose the way I want to be and I can’t drift from it. I go all out trying to do what I think is right. Again, what I think is right isn’t always right.
I need to learn how to take something in my mind, and see if it’s the way God sees it. When I try to follow my Christian beliefs to the T, I find that maybe I wasn’t doing what Jesus would have done. Maybe being hard and stubborn about the gospel isn’t what God intended. Some things are black and white, but some things aren’t. Maybe if I were to listen to someone, whom I disagree with, and just showed that I cared, maybe that would tear down their wall. People usually have some kind of wall, which has been put up, to protect them from being hurt. The truth doesn’t always break this wall down. Love is the only thing that breaks walls down. Why then do most of us find it so hard to love our brothers, sisters, friends, mothers, dads, uncles, aunts, and our neighbors? We should know that Love breaks all kinds of mental and physical bondage, which some have had since child hood.
I have had both mental and physical abuse while growing up. I wasn’t severely physically abused, but any physical abuse also adds mental abuse. Physical abuse will disappear one day, but the mental abuse that occurs, will stay with most people all their lives. God is the only one who can heal such pain. God is the only one who can break down these walls. No matter how hard you try to help someone with abuse, it’s a process that only god can finish. I think this is why there are so many self-help groups. People keep going in circles with their thoughts, anguish, guilt, and confusion, because God hasn’t entered the picture.
We can’t do anything to help anyone finish their healing. We can only plant “seeds”, which God uses to finish the healing. I find myself putting up road blocks in front of God. I’ll say something that will make someone angry, hurt, discouraged, and God will have to then “fix” what I break. This prolongs the healing process. So, yes, we can and do prolong others healings as well as our own. I don’t know how many people I’ve affected in a negative way. I’m not sure I want to know. I hope those days are past, and I ask God to let me affect people in a positive way. I sometimes wonder what others think about me. Especially people I don’t see or associate with any more. I wonder if they are going through the same things I do. I wonder if they are as lost as me. I wonder if they make the same mistakes as I, or do they have mistake free relationships. It really doesn’t matter what people think, or does it? What kind of influence can you be on someone? If you do influence someone, is it for the better, or the worse?
Maybe being a good example is the best “gift” you can give someone. According to the bible, Jesus Christ represented God the Father when he was on Earth. Therefore, we are to represent Jesus. We are to act as he acted. We are to love as he loved. I know that no one can have the love Christ had, but we are to try our best to be like Jesus. I don’t know what you are going through in your life, but I assure you that others are going through it too. You might think of it differently, or you might think your situation is better or worse than someone elses, but I assure you that we are all learning the same things. Some people learn faster than others, while others sit in the same lesson forever. Until you learn from your mistakes, you are destined to roam in a circle just like the Israelites did for 40 years. Just like a dog returning to it’s vomit, you will never learn.
How many of us over eat? Do you ever get tired after eating? If so, it could be because you ate so much, your digestive system is using all your energy, to break down your food, but you’ll probably do it again. I know habits are hard to break, but it’s even worse to roam in circles for 40 years. Remember, all people want to be accepted by someone. We all need to be loved by someone. We all strive to make someone proud of us. We all want to be good at something. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I hope for the things unseen to be clearer to me. I hope that I can better understand people. I hope that people will have more compassion and love for others. I hope that more people will seek after the God that I know. This God is the God of the bible. He is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, which is the Trinity. All 3 make 1 God. They are all separate but the same. This is a God of love, God of compassion, God of righteousness, God of holiness, God of justice and God of all.
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